Idea #8 - Carolina Fish Camp

Ahead, we see the big sign: "Carolina Fish Camp, Next Right". Another quarter-mile and we make the turn onto the entrance road. An even larger sign - weather-beaten, handpainted with "Carolina Fish Camp AHEAD!" in red and blue - welcomes us as we pass through the main gates. 

At the first curve we pass a grove of trees, through which we catch glimpses of a shabby, hulking block of structures. We round another corner, then catch a better view, a great ramshackle jumble of shacks and sheds and barn-like edifices looming above a small, clear lake. Down a short hill and we're sliding past the lake and approaching the parking area. In the lake, we see pedal boats churning away at the water while ducks and geese bob in their collective wake. Boardwalks and piers and docks and little sheds line the lakesides, crammed with families feeding ducks, or fishing, or sitting on swings and benches. Out in the middle of the lake is a small island playground, linked to the lakeshore by a floating bridge.

Our car slides into the parking area. Ahead now is the large weathered bulk of the main building, which houses the titular Carolina Fish Camp Restaurant. Attached to this main structure are several smaller ones housing gift emporia, smaller eateries, an ice-cream shop, a nautically-themed tavern, and a replica light house.

We walk to the front doors and make our way inside. We note that the shabby ocean-front aesthetic seen outside is applied to the interior design as well, with an abundance of nets, flags, and sails attached to walls and hanging from rafters, with a variety of nautical knick-knacks and doo-hickeys covering all visible surfaces. Signage featuring bad nautical puns abounds.

Seating is plentiful and varied. Some tables are located on large balcony patios overlooking the lake. The menu features both freshwater and saltwater varieties of fish, reflective of the varieties of fish and seafood available in the Carolinas. Adjacent to the main dining room is a small play area - a make-believe pirate ship with cannon pointed toward the lake.

We're seated at a booth near the play area. After our orders are placed, the boy goes off to play pirate for a few minutes. We laugh about the fact that we come here so often, but the boy loves the place so much, and the fact is that we do, too.

 

Idea #7 - Sunsphere retro-futurist bar

Yes, I'm aware that that the goofy golden globe has already hosted its share of drinking establishments over the past 28 years. Here's how my Sunsphere bar would be different:

First, let's all acknowledge that the Sunsphere itself -  that oddly-shaped, not-quite-landmark; that glittering priapic monument to a largely forgotten (but not by me, tee hee!) international exposition - is ridiculous. Beyond ridiculous, it is, in fact, ridonkulous. And not in a good way.

Now, you may say, "Patrick, it looks kind of silly now, but at the time....well, at the time, it was awesome," and I will acknowledge that your statement is correct. The problem is that the Sunsphere represents an early 1980's vision of the future, and, for some reason, most of us still haven't discovered how to appreciate that flavor of futurism ironically. We certainly love futurist architecture from the 50's, 60's, & 70's - but from the 80's? Well it just looks kind of goofy and dorky now. 

Okay, so I presumably have a point? Yes, and here it is: embrace the goofy charm of the Sunsphere. Embrace, and enhance. Design the bar as 1982's vision of a drinking spot in 2010. Think the bridge of the Enterprise D mixed with a Delorean DMC-12, with TRON and Blade Runner seasoning, baked up in a big pan of Return of the Jedi. 

Idea #6 - Haunted Holler Dollywood dark ride.

Dollywood's newest themed area, Mystery Caverns, is adjacent to the Wilderness Pass section of the park and is considered to be something of an extension of, and complement to, that older area of the park. As with Wilderness Pass, Mystery Caverns features several "adventure play" attractions, here taking the appearance of an elaborate mountain cave system (comparisons to Injun Joe's Cave at the Disney parks are not inapt). The whole of the area is designed with a cave motif, so that shops, eateries, rest rooms are all located in the dim interiors of large faux stone outcroppings. 

At the far end of the Mystery Caverns area is the largest cave of all, which "handwritten" signs identify as "Smugglers' Cavern". This is the show building for the Haunted Holler attraction. The entrance to the show building serves as the attraction queue and is themed as a clandestine production and distribution facility for a regional variety of maize-derived ethanol. The ride queue snakes past ethanol-extraction machinery bubbling and smoking away, then past large crates marked "RECIPE", then finally to a makeshift garage are where old, busted Model Ts laden with product await their drivers. In each of the three sections of the cave, a notice board can be found hung with humorous bulletins and random bits of information, along with newspaper clippings reporting run-ins with a legendary "ghost train" that is purported to haunt the area. In the boarding area of the queue, the path seems to leave the cavern and return to the open air, though now the sky is growing dark as sun can be seen setting past the far ridgeline. Stars begin to shine and the moon begins to rise as the riders board their vehicles (Model Ts, too, of course). Now, the ride begins in earnest.

Through speakers hidden in the ride vehicles, the riders learn that their "car" is carrying a load of "recipe" that is urgently needed for a town celebration later in the evening. The riders are urged to hurry to the town but to avoid taking a shortcut through the "holler". The vehicle travels past a variety of humorous and homey rural vignettes (ramshackle cabins, hillfolk begging for some "recipe" - this section is inspired by the early parts of Dollywood's "Blazing Fury" ride) before coming to a river crossing. Suddenly, a train whistle is heard and the bridge begins to shake. The car crosses the bridge, turns a corner, and the riders see a ghostly train engine crossing the bridge, causing the bridge to "collapse". The car picks up speed as the train whistle is heard again. The car makes another turn, straight into the path of the ghost train. The car veers at the last moment, off the "road" to town and into the holler (the car passes a sign indicating Hicks Hollow, with "Hicks" crossed through and the word "Haunted" written crudely). 

Now the car is in Haunted Hollow itself, and the car is speeding along, attempting to outrun the ghost train close behind. The train is louder now, and riders hear the chugging of its engine, the rattle of the wheels and the squeal of the brakes, and, always, the blowing of its whistle. The riders feel the cold rush of the ghost train behind them, see the landscape around them rushing past in the gloomy pale glow of the train's spectral light. The car struggles to escape, dodging outhouses and corn cribs, crashing through fences and barns, attempting to elude the demonic locomotive. But it is to no avail; the train is upon the riders now. The train blows its whistle one final time, then rams the car down a steep embankment...into town! The riders are safe, after all, and the "recipe" has been delivered in time for the evenings festivities!

Riders unload and exit through what appears to be the doorway into a large barn. Scratchy string-band music can be heard from what looks like an old Victrola as the visitors pass hay bales and farm implements and stacked cases of "recipe" and walk on into the attached gift shop.